BS=P_Moonray, Carlo=Will GWB=spell GG=Kristy (a note for my records) MeskPro = Jason Marquis, Gene Rayburn, and Johnny Olson Wisey = Contestant tle = Contestant Princess_Moonray = Britney Spears Will_Team_Ragnarok = Carlo Bertocchini spell = George W. Bush Kristy = Gilbert Gottfried Intros Get ready to match the stars.... From the Atlanta Braves, Pitcher Jason Marquis "Singer" Britney Spears President of the United States, George W. Bush Comedian Gilbert Gottfried And BioHazard builder, Carlo Bertocchini As we get ready to play the star studded Match Game, and here's your host, Gene Rayburn Round 1 Thank you, Johnny, Hello Stars, Hello Contestants, we know so let's get going Wisey, you are first, A or B? A. Gary said, "My girl is almost beautiful. From behind she looks like Miss America. From the front she looks like ____________. Waiting for Ms. Spears Waiting for her to get some talent? Your answer, Wisey? * Britney_Spears doesnt get the joke and beams at George Oh dear. This answer could be so wide and varied. I'll go with Anne Robinson ... * tle1792553 shakes her head Let's see what the panel said, Jason? * Britney_Spears giggles I think I have the definitive answer, Gene What did you say? Mr. America Not a match, Britney? That's me! Gilbert Gotfried * tle1792553 whistles at the Pres. No not really, but never mind * Britney_Spears shoots a smile at Gilbert * Gilbert_Gottfried sits up straight Not a match, George? * Gilbert_Gottfried winks at Britney and mouths, "Call me." Well, Ah've really been having problems in this part of the world lately, and I wish that they would have kept him trapped for, I don't know, eight years ... "Yassar Arafat." Not a match, Gilbert? I'm not even going to joke about this... My mom. * Britney_Spears winks at Gilbert, and glares at the audience Not a match, unless if you were Anne Robinson's kid, Carlo? Well, I heard the "almost" and decided to jump at it. I said Mimi Bobeck. Tough question, no score yet, here is your question tle Good to see I've returned to my usual level of consistency. Phil has got to be the World's Worst Salesman.... How bad is he? how bad is he? He can't sell _____ to Shaquille O'Neal. * Gilbert_Gottfried can think of three unappropriate things Pick one Gil, we are waiting for you Your answer tle *glances at the panel* I'll say.... basketballs. A good answer, Jason? * Britney_Spears glances at the rest of the panel I think this actually works if Phil is a good or bad salesman...I said Free Throw Lessons Not a match, Britney? Like, does this make me smart?? I, like, said Basketballs... *giggles* Oops, I said balls... *giggles harder* A match, Mr. President? Well, even though it was football that I was watching when I choked on that pretzel, I DO know my basketball, and how Shaquille O'Neal, who's a very good Republican, by the way, can't shoot "free throws." Not a match, Gilbert? Okay, I know this one..... * Britney_Spears flutters her eyes at Gilbert I used to play basketball with Shaq. I said "basketball" Another match, Carlo? Well, I was about to say basketballs as well, but I decided to go ahead and say shoes. Round 2 The man needs shoes to play, you got 2 tle, and it is your turn again, A or B? B At the appliance store, Mr. Toaster said.... "I hate the way Mr. Refrigerator treats Mrs. Refrigerator. Every night he leaves her _____________." * Carlo_Bertocchini shakes his head * Britney_Spears is confused... Toasters can't talk!!! Waiting for that dude next to Gilbert Come sit next to me, Britney. Your answer, tle? Well... I can think of several, but since I have to chose one... I chose.... "he leaves her door open." * Britney_Spears goes and sits on Gilberts lap, getting many boooo's from the audince A good answer, Mr. Marquis? (man, those fake suckers are heavy!) I'm still feeling good after homering, I said cold Not a match, Britney? Oh, we ARE compatable, arn't we? I said "Open" which I think is the same thing A match, Mr. Bush? * Britney_Spears gets up and dances * Gilbert_Gottfried laughs out loud Well, he's very cool with her, so I said he leaves her "ice maker on." A good answer, Gilbert? *staring at Britney the whole time* Open dot dot dot.................. Another match, Carlo * Britney_Spears gasps as her breast falls out into the audience I had a few problems, but I ended up saying spoiled food. What the hell is that Carlo? Don't ask. I couldn't think on that one for some reason. Wisey, you need to catch up, here is your question The Rubber man and the Rubber Woman got together and had a _______. * Britney_Spears scrambles to put her breast back in, smiling the entire time * Gilbert_Gottfried sees the word "rubber" and thinks of Britney * Gilbert_Gottfried blinks * Carlo_Bertocchini thinks Your answer Wisey, good luck matching these dingbats ... sexual fling where they didn't have to worry about protection? * Carlo_Bertocchini laughs I resemble that remark! * tle1792553 shakes her head A goofd answer, but again good luck with these dingbats....Jason? I thought tire, but then I thought of a punny answer....ball * George_W_Bush laughs and sic's the First Amendment-restrictors on him. Not a match, Britney, you little libido rouser, what did you say? * Britney_Spears thinks she has more luck with tle um, i dont understand what you just said, big words confuse me... I said an elastic baby * Wisey puts his head in his hands Not a match, Mr. Bush? Well, first they had a *holds up card* baby, which made them need to get a *holds up 2nd card* rubber crib, but they needed to find some steady *holds up card* employment, which they could get thanks to my wonderful *holds up 4th card* economic policies, and they had enough money to hire a *holds up 5th card* "Rubbermaid." * tle1792553 shakes her head Good luck in the head to head match, Wisey, Gilbert? * Wisey bangs his head on the desk repeatedly Proving we ARE as smart as we look, I said......... Rubber family. Not a match, Carlo? * Gilbert_Gottfried buries her hand in her face * Carlo_Bertocchini holds up a card with "rubber child" crossed out and "rubber band" circled several times * Britney_Spears beams at Gilbert * Carlo_Bertocchini then shakes his head A good answer, better than your piece of crap answer last round heh Head to Head Matches Time for the round of head to head match, Wisey, who do you want to play with Well, Britney, for obvious reasons. Although I'd like to shoot the lot of them. ("Round of head"? What, is Clinton here?) She must be fixing her boobs off stage, let's wait for her to get back im back! We all clear how this works? Let's begin _______ Wreck Ship Wreck, Nervous Wreck? Nervous wreck Match ________ Pepsi Diet Pepsi? Wild Cherry Pepsi? Diet pepsi Match Albert ________ Albert EInstein? Albert Brooks? Einstein, of course Match _____ Tea Iced Tea? Hot Tea? Iced Tea, hot gives me gas Iced Match ______ Out Take Out? Sell Out? um... I can't cook, so Take Out No match Golf _______ Golf Cart? Golf Course? um.. oh, a hard one... Course? Match ________ Plate Paper Plate? Home Plate? ugh, i hate baseball... Paper... Match _______ Storm Thunder Storm? Sand Storm? They scare me, and I usually have to hide under my boyfriend... but i'll say Thunder Match _________ Truck Ice Cream Truck? Fire Truck? MmMmMmMmmmMmMmmmMmmmMMmm... Ice Cream... *homer-esk drool* Match _______ Johnson Andrew Johnson? Lyndon Johnson? Lyndon Match Impressive Wisey, 9 out of 10 * Wisey squeezes Britney * Britney_Spears hugs Wisey back tle, who do you want to play with? Umm... Is Mr. President still around? * George_W_Bush waves. The Texan connection, let's begin You need 5 matches to win _______ Mix Trail Mix? Chex Mix? Trail. Match ________ Bunny Easter Bunny? Greg the Bunny? Easter Match _____ Pool Swimming Pool? Office Pool? Swimming. Match Magic _______ Magic Show? Magic Johnson? Show Match ______ Stick Hockey Stick? Walking Stick? Walking? No Match _______ Polish Shoe Polish? Silver Polish? Shoe. Match _____ Adams John Adams? John Quincy Adams? John. No Match _______ 2 U 2 It takes 2 U Match Tle Wins! * tle1792553 shakes hands with Wisey Super Matches Let's move on to the bonus round, here's your first audience match * tle1792553 hugs the President for his assistance * Wisey hugs tilly * George_W_Bush is hugged presidentially. Cleveland _______ Call on 3 celebs GW, of course. Indians. * tle1792553 looks around Jason You took mine, we play them later this year, I guess I'll say Ohio And, Gilbert. * tle1792553 is going to be peered soon... Sorry... Rocks Indians, Ohio, or Rocks or you can choose your own? I will go with... Rocks. Let's reveal the answers.... 100: Ohio 250: Rocks You win 250, what do you all think is on top? * tle doesnt know Indians! Slide it Earl... 500: Indians Here's Audience Match #2... _________ Rio Call on 3 again Gilbert Diamond * Gilbert_Gottfried shrugs Jason Los Del Rio...that piece of crap band that did that piece of crap Macarena song And George... ...er... Mr. President Of course you'd pick me ... lol ... *thinks* Um ... Mississippi? *shrugs* Diamond, Los del, or Mississippi or you may want to choose your own, there could have been dingbats in the audience I'll have to go with Diamond. 100: Her Name was * tle shakes her head A line from a Duran Duran song, those crazy weirdos 250 Los Del Jason's answer...slide the big one Earl 500: Blame it on Sorry, your base amount is 2500, maybe you can double it with a lucky spin of the star wheel, spin it (give me a number) Blame it on Rio? Huh? ~Blame it on Rio ... don't blame it on meeee~ You get to play with Carlo for 5000, here is your question.... Flash ________ Your answer tle, for 5000... Bulb. That's a good answer, what are some others? Light Gordon of lightning What did you say, Carlo? I said Flash Gordon. * Carlo_Bertocchini holds up the card Sorry, but you still take home 350 This is Johnny Olson for Match Game, A Mesk Pro Smith Moleman Production This Program has been edited for broadcast