Christmas Match Game

Introduction

Johnny Olson: Get Ready to match the stars
Johnny Olson: From Whose Line Is It Anyway, Clive Anderson
Johnny Olson: Singer" Britney Spears
Johnny Olson: Rapper Sir Mix-A-Lot
Johnny Olson: And Nell Carter
Johnny Olson: As we get ready to play the star studded match game, and here's your host, Gene Rayburn

Gene Rayburn: Thank you Johnny, hello stars, hello contestants, let's meet them, Wisey, tell us about yourself
Wisey: Well, I'm from a small dingy hole some people remember as the UK. And I have no life.
Wisey: Well, why else would I be chatting to some strange Americans 3am on Christmas day?
Gene Rayburn: Tle, tell us about yourself Tle: I am a college student from the great state of Texas

Round 1

<GeneRayburn> Tle, you are first A or B?
<tle_contestant> hmm, I pick E. A jar of almonds....no wait...A
<GeneRayburn> Instead of having a Christmas goose for dinner, Carl the Cannibal had Christmas _______ for dinner
* NellCarter ponders
* BritneySpears scribbles something down
* NellCarter writes something down and then shows it to everyone else on the panel
* tle_contestant tries to get into the panels minds
<GeneRayburn> waiting for mr. lot
<Sir_Mix-A-Lot> Hey Clive, whaddasay we take those lovely ladies and bring them back to your Colonies?
<Wisey_contestant> Sounds good to me!
<GeneRayburn> tle, your response
<tle_contestant> Homo sapien
<GeneRayburn> let's see what the panel said
* tle_contestant crosses her fingers
<GeneRayburn> clive your answer
<CliveAnderson> being the brit i am, i said wife
<GeneRayburn> not a match
<GeneRayburn> brit, what did you say
<BritneySpears> Since I was so infatuated with my boobs, I said "chest"
<GeneRayburn> not a match, mr. lot
<Sir_Mix-A-Lot> Christmas Kidney? What? Like I had to say Butt?
<GeneRayburn> not a match, nell
<NellCarter> I said that Carl ate the Christmas Bruce. That's what we funny people call a "rhyme." I want to be in a movie.
* tle_contestant sighs
<GeneRayburn> i think we can take that as a match
<NellCarter> Don't forget who loves you, sugar! Call me!

* Wisey_contestant frowns at Gene
<GeneRayburn> that's one for tle, wisey here's your question
<GeneRayburn> Horrible Hank is so Horrible
<BritneySpears> How horrible is he?
<GeneRayburn> (how horrible is he?)
<NellCarter> How horrible is he?
* Wisey_contestant checks for Gene's pulse worriedly
<GeneRayburn> that instead of wrapping his gifts in wrapping paper, he wraps his gifts in _____________
<Wisey_contestant> Hmmmm.
* NellCarter taps her sharpie on the podium
* BritneySpears taps her sharpie on Nell accidentally
* NellCarter pops Britney's boob with her sharpie
<BritneySpears> Ohhh...my implant!
<NellCarter> I'm warning you, I can eat you
<GeneRayburn> wisey your answer
<Wisey_contestant> Well, if I know anything about the freakish nature of these peoples' minds ... I say 'Hardened Faeces'.
<GeneRayburn> let's see what the panel said, clive your answer
*** GeneRayburn is now known as CliveAnderson
<CliveAnderson> sorry i said barbed wire, which is what i wanted to hit greg with several times
*** CliveAnderson is now known as GeneRayburn
<GeneRayburn> not a match, brit
<BritneySpears> Since I was so infatuated with my former boob <glares at Nell>, I said "silicone"
<GeneRayburn> not a match, mr. lot?
<Wisey_contestant> Meh, same difference.
<Sir_Mix-A-Lot> I said that cat Hank is a horrible mother.... he wraps his gifts with toilet paper.
<GeneRayburn> no match, nell?
<Wisey_contestant> WHAT??
<NellCarter> I said toilet paper... Sir Mix-a-Lot is stealing my answers... It could have been used...
<Wisey_contestant> But the... with the... and the...
* Wisey_contestant sulks
<Sir_Mix-A-Lot> You got a big ol' butt, NellCarter, so I'll let that slide.
<GeneRayburn> toilet paper is probably the definitive answer, after round 1, it's tle 1 wisey 0, wisey is first A or B?

Round 2

<Wisey_contestant> <coughgitcough> er, B.
<GeneRayburn> Sammy the the department store santa said, "today was a rough day at work, ______ sat on my lap
<Wisey_contestant> Oh my.
* BritneySpears scribbles something on Nell's carter
<GeneRayburn> wisey, your response
<Wisey_contestant> Britney Spears' implant?!
* NellCarter looks shocked at the rest of the panel's responses
<GeneRayburn> let's see what the panel said, clive
<CliveAnderson> i said a bloke who worked with on whose line, mike mcshane
<Wisey_contestant> Close enough.
<GeneRayburn> not a match, brit?
<BritneySpears> Well, sorry Wiseman, I'm leaving my boobs for a holiday ... I said "A kid with diarrhea".
<Wisey_contestant> Dang.
<GeneRayburn> not a match, sir?
<Sir_Mix-A-Lot> I said NellCarter sat on his lap, yeah, that's right. You and yo' big butt, girl... what's yo' sign?
<Wisey_contestant> Oh, you couldn't have said that last answer, huh?
<GeneRayburn> not a match, nell
<NellCarter> I said an elephant. And I'm going to barbeque Sir Mix-a-Lot after the show.
<GeneRayburn> still no match, tle here is your question

* tle_contestant waits
<GeneRayburn> Dumb Dora is so dumb
<NellCarter> How dumb is she?
<GeneRayburn> (how dumb is she?)
<Sir_Mix-A-Lot> How dumb is her ho-tail?
<GeneRayburn> that instead of putting her gifts in a cardboard box, she put them in a _______ box
<tle_contestant> oy vey
* NellCarter furrows her brow, the effort of which causes her shirt to wrinkle
<GeneRayburn> your response, tle?
<tle_contestant> jack-in-the- (box) *shrugs*
<GeneRayburn> clive your response
<CliveAnderson> i said a cable box
<GeneRayburn> not a match, brit?
<BritneySpears> Well, everyone always told me to be sweet and sassy. So if I'm going to be sweet and sassy, I must say "glass"y.
<GeneRayburn> not a match, sir?
<Sir_Mix-A-Lot> She put them janks and gave them to NellCarter, 'cuz Lord knows she's havin' a fit about some little big butt joke... Girl, you know I'm playin'. I like that big booty you carryin' behind ya; can I get ya digits, baby?
<Sir_Mix-A-Lot> In a tampon box!
* tle_contestant sighs
<GeneRayburn> good answer, even though that is a cardboard box, nell?
<NellCarter> I said she put them in the Happy box. I wish this was like Hollywood Squares where they tell us what to say, I'm not very smart. But they don't let me on the top level, not anymore, not since the Incident. I'm sorry, honey, but you know that I love you, right?
<GeneRayburn> let's move on to round three tle is up 1-0, wisey a or b?

Round 3

<Wisey_contestant> A. A. A!
<GeneRayburn> Count Dracula said, "My friend got me the perfect gift it was (a(n)) ________
<Wisey_contestant> It's going to be a long night.
* BritneySpears scribbles something down
* NellCarter scribbles something down, using several cards
<GeneRayburn> wisey must match somone to stay in the game, your response
<Wisey_contestant> Why, False Teeth of course!
<GeneRayburn> clive your response
<CliveAnderson> us brits think alike, i said false teeth
<Wisey_contestant> Damn straight!
<GeneRayburn> one for wisey, brit
<BritneySpears> Well, trying to be the comedian/singer that I really want to be ... ooh <giggles in a tawdry way> ... I said <giggles again> a "fang you letter"
<GeneRayburn> (booooooooooooooo!)
<Wisey_contestant> Don't give up the day job, Brit.
<GeneRayburn> a rotten answer, sir mix-a-lot
<Sir_Mix-A-Lot> Nell, baby girl, please? I like that big butt o' yours. I want you to be Hangin' with my Mr. Cooper, if you know what I'm saying girl.. Oh yeah, the question: I said it was a Bloody Mary. Sorry, dogg.
<GeneRayburn> not a match, nell
<NellCarter> I said "an item of clothing" [flips card] an item of men's formal ware [flips card] [larger] a tie [flips card] a necktie [flips card] made out of a real [flips card] NECK [with a sketch of a neck on it]. Sorry, Hon.
<GeneRayburn> not a match tle if you match one you win
<Sir_Mix-A-Lot> Fine, then, I'm-a go for some white meat.
<tle_contestant> the pressure...
<Wisey_contestant> Come on tle, mess it up!
<tle_contestant> :P

<GeneRayburn> 102 year old mr. periwinkle said, "mrs. periwinkle gave me the best gift. the gift was (a(n)) _____"
<Wisey_contestant> What? I said 'best of luck'!
<tle_contestant> soo, many possibilities....
* NellCarter scribbles even more furiously
<GeneRayburn> waiting for nell
<GeneRayburn> your response tle
<tle_contestant> ....a younger wife....
<GeneRayburn> let's see what the panel said, clive
<CliveAnderson> i said a deadman's box(casket)
<GeneRayburn> not a match, brit?
<BritneySpears> Still trying to be a <giggles again> comedian...hehehehehehe. Well, that Mr. Periwinkle is soooo full of bull ... gave her a "Bull"winkle"!
<GeneRayburn> you're an idiot, sir?
<Sir_Mix-A-Lot> Yo Britney, wassup baby? I think yo' jokes were like the fish that got away: Off the hook. You know, you got A-Lot of talent, wanna Mix it up? Man, it's my turn for the question again. Always some show tryin' to stop me from likin' the butt. Anyways, I said she got him a 20-year-old candystriper. That's kinda close, I think, but then again, I actually LIKE big butts.
<GneRayburn> we can accept that, tle you win, what did you say nell?
<Wisey_contestant> nnggghhh!
<NellCarter> Well I was going to say [flips card] night off, but then i decided that he might like a [flips card] enema, but i decided that was crass so I went with [flips card] photo album, but that didn't make sense so I thought [flips card] grandson, but that didn't seem plausible so I finally realized that anything is funny if you just add [flips card for the final time] VIAGRA to it.
* tle_contestant shakes Wiseys hand
<GeneRayburn> tle you win and will play audience for a chance at 10000 "dollars" sorry wisey
* Wisey_contestant squeezes tle's hand rather tightly
* tle_contestant pulls her hand away
* Wisey_contestant watches all the lights switch off around him

Audience Match

<GeneRayburn> tle we asked an audience to fill in a blank, their third most response is worth 100, second 250, and third 500, you will play 2 audience matches and play for 10 times that amount call on three stars
<GeneRayburn> for the answer to...
<GeneRayburn>Jingle ____________
* tle_contestant calls....
<tle_contestant> Britany
<BritneySpears> Well, being as serious as possible: Bells.
<tle_contestant> Nell
<NellCarter> All the way
<tle_contestant> Clive
<Sir_Mix-A-Lot> Hey! What's with that?
* Sir_Mix-A-Lot in a fit, gets up and storms out.
<CliveAnderson> Jingle Bell Rock
<NellCarter> Just suck on britney's remaining implant...
<BritneySpears> oooh <giggles happily>
* Sir_Mix-A-Lot runs back.
<GeneRayburn> Jingle Bells, Jingle All the Way, Jingle Bell Rock, which do you pick tle
<tle_contestant> well, Jingle Bells came to my mind first.....but, Jingle All the way sounds good too......and then there is Jingle Bell Rock....hmm
* Sir_Mix-A-Lot whispers sweet nothings in Britney's ear.
<tle_contestant> I will have to say....
<tle_contestant> Jingle Bells
<GeneRayburn> 100: All the Way (nell's choice)
* NellCarter mutters "I'm just surprised she knows a five-letter word...
<GeneRayburn> 250: Bell Rock (Clive's Answer)
* tle_contestant crosses her fingers
<GeneRayburn> 500: Bells
* NellCarter cheers
* tle_contestant grins
* BritneySpears yahoos at her own intelligence

<GeneRayburn> now your second audience match
* Sir_Mix-A-Lot asks Britney if she wants to "see" his limo
<GeneRayburn> Christmas ____________
<GeneRayburn> pick 3 again
<tle_contestant> okkay
<tle_contestant> Sir
<Sir_Mix-A-Lot> Day
<tle_contestant> Nell
<NellCarter> Tree
<tle_contestant> Brit
<BritneySpears> Lights
<tle_contestant> ooo, tough choices
<GeneRayburn> day, tree, lights, or you can choose your OWN
<tle_contestant> I will take Christmas Tree.....cause thats what came to mind first
<GeneRayburn> 100: day
<GeneRayburn> 250: tree (you win 250)
<GeneRayburn> 500: Eve
<tle_contestant> ahh
* Sir_Mix-A-Lot tries to comfort Britney in his suavest manner.
* BritneySpears throws her remaining implant at Sir

Super Match

<GeneRayburn> now you will play head to head match for a chance to 7500 "dollars" pick one celeb to match head to head.
<Sir_Mix-A-Lot> Please, like I like big implants and I cannot lie?
<tle_contestant> hmm, I choose Nell
<NellCarter> YES!
<NellCarter> I mean, good choice.
<GeneRayburn> _________ Claus
<GeneRayburn> your response, tle
<tle_contestant> Santa?
<GeneRayburn> nell
* NellCarter flips over the card
<NellCarter> I said...
* NellCarter draws it out for dramatic effect, proving that she's a good actor
<NellCarter> SANTA!
* tle_contestant runs to the panel and hugs Nell
<NellCarter> WOO! YEAH!
<GeneRayburn> congrats, you win 7500 "dollars"
* NellCarter tries to return the hug but only gets her arms around tle's shoulders